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24, Male
Los Angeles, CA
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Just a normal guy here wanting to be a programmer

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The Plague

2013-04-22 04:12:33 by Chubbyluver

I am part of a plague. I fear what I am unable to do, no matter how I try. That within my self I cannot find the ability to express and fulfill my inner desires and passions. Being able to know what I see in my mind's eye, to feel these emotions, feelings, tenderness...that spark, the spark that ignites my soul, sets my imagination alive and spirals it into never ending stream. To think, to imagine, to soar within endless bounds of realities , universes and fates. To set foot into these realms, to breathe, to live within them, and yet, I am cursed by even thinking of them of imbuing them. Alas, I cannot release them. My form, my state, is unable to express in actuality and in reality what I feel. These tones, the music, the notes and melodies and harmonies that I hear within the center of myself, how they intertwine with my soul itself and releasing my true nature, my real self, but unable to show it into this physical state. It's as if my hands have cursed my to never be able to prove to myself that what im feeling and what I am thinking is real. I see both sides of the spectrum, light and dark. Both already the same and yet separate. I see this art, both gorgeous and dreadful, the emasculate and distraught I can see myself painting them, sculpting them inside but cannot release. Yes I am part of a plague a course of the talented untalented. I can imagine it all, entire beings universes all these things over and over; towns, villages, people, creatures, beings, entities, the heavens and depths, eternity and nothing!!!........Yet, I cannot remove it from my body. When I try to exhume this essence from myself it crumbles. The art i envisioned isnt art but a catastrophe to what could be conceived as art, this music I try to right, the symphony and ballads I wish to put on paper just come out as a maze, with no end with no answer! These right, these aren't pieces of creativity, these aren't what I saw and felt, these are just flotsam pieces of tragedy in this sea of being. Why do my hands curse me? Why will they not let me express what I see? Is it not good enough to even exist in this physical state, or must it only exist in the ether that is my mind? Why must I suffer this self loathing of feeling this inside but not being able to create it and make it real! To see what others can express and do and not be able to do the same to show that I can to make some of worth!!!!...It's as if being doomed to never express what it is to be human and this is why I am that I am. I am of the plagued, the ones who suffer from this disease that cannot be cured...we suffer from this plague...the plague that haunts forever and taunts our being...the curse of the inapt, the unsuitable...The Plague, of the unable.

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All Mighty 25 Points Use All Acts of God Medal Stats.
Evangelist 10 Points Earn 1000 Mana Medal Stats.
Slayer 10 Points Kill 500 Baddies Medal Stats.
Conscription 10 Points 16 Military Units Medal Stats.
Skyscraper 10 Points Build a Level 4 Building Medal Stats.
Flee 10 Points Retreat 10 Units Medal Stats.
Tycoon 10 Points Mine 10000 Gold Medal Stats.
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Total Medals Earned: 2,141 (From 366 different games.)

Latest Shared Creations

gold Added to drawings for The Drawing Grounds Sep 18, 2014. Load Level
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